The impact of fostering on the biological children in the home

Bring a child into a home affects the whole household, particularly any children, including biological/birth children, adopted children, or other children who are fostered.

Children may be impacted negatively, for example, they may feel jealous of the attention given to the fostered child, they may be angry if their possessions are shared or broken, and they may feel uncomfortable that a stranger has joined their home.

The impact on the children may be positive, for example, the children may feel proud of their parents for supporting vulnerable children, they may enjoy the company and friendship of the fostered children, and they may benefit from learning about different cultures and identities.

Some of the ways to encourage children to benefit positively from the company of other children in the fostering home include:

Speak with household members before planning to foster

All members of the household, including children who can express a view, should be included in the decision to foster.

Prepare the child for potentially challenging situations

Foster carers should be realistic and honest with all household members about the potential challenges of fostering. This can help the family to prepare for the challenges psychologically. It can also help the family to prepare a plan to support any children who are going through a rough time so that the children can heal and build better relationships.

Speak with household members before agreeing to a match

Children in the fostering household should be considered during the matching process, and all members of the household should agree to a match before a move is confirmed.

Share the family profile with the child to be fostered before the arrangement is agreed

Ideally, the child joining the home would be able to review the family profile and raise any concerns if there were any. This may not be possible if the child is very young, doesn’t have capacity to process the information, or if there are limited choices about available foster homes.

Check-in with the children regularly

All children in the household should be consulted regularly by the foster carers and by the supervising social worker.

Address any differences in culture, identity and needs

Children who are fostered may have different ethnic, cultural, religious, gender, sexuality or other identities than that of the fostering family. Children in the household should have some understanding and respect of different heritages and connections to their birth family.

Bring the children to provider-organised social events

All children in the household should spend some time with other fostering families, whether that is through events organised by the fostering provider, through training, support groups or through personal connections. The shared experiences are a good source of empathy, advice and joint celebrations.

Give them protected 1 to 1 time

All children in the household should have some protected 1 to 1 time so that they feel heard, seen and valued.

Encourage them to build a strong relationship with the child being fostered

Positive relationships should be encouraged and supported between all children in the household. This includes finding joint activities that they enjoy, or by mediating any disputes calmly and with compassion.

Negotiate items that can be shared, or not

Foster carers should agree house expectations which include which toys can be shared, access to bedrooms, and how to negotiate sharing.

Prepare them for when children are ready to move on

Children benefit from routine and established relationships, so it can be very upsetting for all children when any children move out of the home. Foster carers should speak with the children in advance to clarify how long the fostered children are likely to live in the home, and adequate preparations should be made before a child moves on – for example, the family may wish to mark the departure with a family meal and gifts for the fostered child.

Support children with feelings of loss when the child moves on

When a fostered child moves on, all members of the household will feel loss and grief. Household members should support each other and re-establish family norms and relationships before considering fostering another child.

Try to stay in touch when children move on

Where possible, the whole fostering family should maintain some level of contact with the child who was fostered. When children join fostering homes for a long period of time, it’s expected that the child is treated like any other child in the household, so regular contact continues throughout the child’s life. If the child stayed for a shorter time, there may be a few meetings and phone calls after the child moves on.

Request specialist support if needed

If any members of the household are struggling with any aspect of fostering, this should be discussed with the supervising social worker so that specialist support can be arranged if needed.